pop culture » Undiplomatic

28 November 2008 Chris Larson
08:17 pm

Un-Bauer-able: The Return of “24″

So Jack Bauer, America’s favorite torturer and all around sociopath, is back!

Jack will spend the next 24 hours in the fictional African country of Sangala “saving the children” from what looks like a vicious child soldier-recruiting rebel. That, of course, will make up for all the horrible stuff he’s done in the past.

So the new and improved Jack. . .

is now killing caricatures of Africans rather than caricatures of Arabs;
doesn’t have to worry about beating the hell out of people because he’s in Africa, which of course doesn’t have laws or something;
can shoot people while standing in the middle of a crowded African street and not worry about hitting innocents;
loves the kids, even if it means having to shoot people in front of them;
cannot, even with all his powers, get a nasty American official to open the damn gate.

Wait a second. Wasn’t last year supposed to be Bauer’s redemption? Didn’t they even name it “24: Redemption”? How many times can this guy be redeemed? Will next year be “24: Jack Gets an Indulgence from Pope Innocent IX”?

Instead of “24: Exile,” They should just call it what it is: “24: We Know the Whole Torturing Arabs Thing Doesn’t Seem to Be Working Anymore.”

Of course, rehabilitation of Wacko Jacko doesn’t mean that the producers have completely abandoned their neoconservative conspiracy theorist ways: Bauer refuses to return to Washington to testify before a Senate committee investigating his past crimes, and it looks like one of the villains, as Diplopundit notes, is the most officious, insensitive foreign service officer in history. He not only hates Jack, he hates the children. The bastard.

My only hope is that this storyline will so bore the hell out of the American people that they will flee from “24: Exile” like. . .well, like everyone flees from Jack Bauer whenever he pulls out a gun.

Then, at last, our long national prime time nightmare finally will be over.

UPDATE: This is actually from Charlie, not Chris. Not quite sure how that happened, but I can’t change it.

Morning Buzz: You, You Hollywood Bastard. . .

Looking forward to the new Star Trek? Apparently the original James T. Kirk is, well, not so much:

One of the best mashups ever.

Kung Fu Ping Pong

This may be the coolest thing I have ever seen. Bruce Lee plays ping pong. . . with nunchucks.

I’d like to see Chuck Norris do that.

h/t: Danwei

One More Thing about Pirates

Kudos to Midwest for his post on piracy.

Not to make light of a serious topic, but I did find it a little amusing earlier this year when the financial crisis and National Talk Like a Pirate Day converged.

Back/Midwest McGarry/Feed Burned

So I’m back in DC, after a long, arduous drive back from Sarasota. I have lots I want to talk about (including the Hillary boomlet), but not tonight, okay? For having just taken a vacation, I’m pretty wiped out, especially given the fact that I’ve driven something like 2,500 miles over the past 10 days (don’t ask — it seemed like a good idea at the time).

I want to thank Midwest McGarry for his intrepid blogging during my brief time away and to welcome him as a periodic contributor. I also would like to remind him that I have photos of him that are far more incriminating than he has of me.

(What MMG didn’t mention is that shortly before this photo was taken, while out in the park, I was standing on top of the same van when an elephant started to charge. The driver, not realizing that I was standing on top of the van, took off. Only the quick thinking of Midwest and John Johnson (who you can see to the left in the photo MMG posted) kept me from flying off the back of the damn vehicle.)

I also would like to thank the Russian Federation for not invading any more countries while I was gone, which is what happened the last time I tried to take a few days off. (And before you write me, yes I know that there’s new evidence that Georgia started the war and that Russia merely responded blah blah blah blah — at the moment I’m too tired to care.)

One last thing: a big thanks to those of you who have alerted us to the problem with the feed. Right now Feedburner ranks somewhere between aggressive drivers with McCain bumper stickers and pond scum, but I hope to figure out what the hell is the problem. We’re working on it, but as of now, still no resolution. If we don’t get it fixed soon, we may have to ask you to resubscribe with a different feed address. I hope to have this resolved by Monday, but you’ll know when I know.

Iraq War Ends (sez fake newspaper)

Those pranksters The Yes Men struck again today. In New York and Los Angeles, they claim to have distributed more than one million copies of a very realistic looking parody of The New York Times.

The top headline: Iraq War Ends.

Other headlines of note:

National Health Insurance Act Passes
Court Indicts Bush on High Treason Charge
Congress Returns Civics to High School Curriculum
Harvard Will Shut Business School Doors

They even dummied up a fake New York Times web page.

Update: The real New York Times has the story.

“Brothers Should Pull Up Their Pants”

Greetings from sunny Florida! Had to share this:

I just love the fact that this man is President of the United States.

Leo, Josh, Toby, C.J., and Sam Seaborn: The Obama Generation

Have you seen the website of the “Office of the President-Elect“? Very cool… neither Jed Bartlett nor Matt Santos had anything like this.
Heh. One of the best things about having Charlie go on vacation is that I can unilaterally suspend his Sorkintorium. And so I have.

We have every reason to believe the Obama Transition (and Administration) will be as smooth, focused, and disciplined as the Obama Campaign. And the people chosen to serve will be competent and knowledgeable about their areas of service. (Yes, the Bush Administration has set a low bar.)

So who will fill the jobs in the White House and elsewhere in the executive branch?

Even before the election, Foreign Policy created a number of nonpartisan cabinet “Dream Teams.” Charlie had these thoughts. And I voted for these.

Robert Longley has this explanation of the presidential transition process. MSNBC and Foreign Policy Passport offer the latest speculation on outcomes. Newsweek is offering 2 to 1 odds on John Kerry as the next secretary of state (Richard Holbrooke is 5 to 1.)

But the truly big list belongs to Politico. Their speculation goes so deep it includes chiefs of staff for the VPOTUS and FLOTUS.

So, now that we know who will be living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, who do you think will fill the key jobs in the new administration? And how do you feel about Rahm Emanuel filling the shoes of Leo McGarry?

Use the comment section.

Maybe It Was The Holograms

While some folks (like Charlie) spent Tuesday night at a victory celebration, most people were stuck doing the happy dance at home with Tom Brokaw, Wolf Blitzer, et al. I was surprised to see today that ABC and CNN won the night’s television ratings race.

CNN even beat NBC, CBS, and FOX. I spent most of my time watching NBC and MSNBC because I thought they had good analysis and insight. CNN annoyed me by being very conservative on calling the states and using big panels of experts who tended to talk all over one another. So how did they finish on top in the cable race?

Maybe it was the holograms.

From a galaxy far, far away, CNN imported holographic technology so Wolf Blitzer (in New York) could interview people in Chicago (Jessica Yellin and will.I.am) as if they were in THE SAME ROOM. See it here:

Gizmodo explains how the hologram worked. CNN President Jon Klein says “One day all TV news will be done that way.” Ugh.

Subbing for Johnny Tonight: John Davidson

Boy did I just show my age with that joke.

As I noted earlier today, I’m taking a much-needed post-campaign celebratory trip to Florida with Molly and Greta in order to recharge my batteries. But that doesn’t mean Undip will go off the air offline.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the lame TV sign-off jokes now. But why did all those old test patterns have an Indian head on them?

Now, where was I? Oh, right — a guest host.

I’m delighted to welcome Midwest McGarry, who will serve as Undip’s guest host during my psychiatric confinement vacation. Many of you may recognize Midwest from the comments section; please don’t hold that against him. And contrary to rumors, he is not taking on this role because he won second place in Undip’s essay contest (first place was not being asked to blog. . . ba da bing! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen — please don’t forget to tip your waitress).

In fact, he is someone I’ve known for quite a while, and who, despite that, still manages to speak to me every once in a while. He has worked in foreign policy for over twenty years, and brings considerable expertise on a range of issues — including quite a few that I know almost nothing about (not that that has prevented me from talking about them). He loves baseball, John Mellencamp, the Blues Brothers, West Wing, Jon Stewart, Black Adder, Top Gear, Chicago (the city, not the band), Willie Nelson, NPR, BBC, WKRP, Cape Town, Marshall McLuhan, old scotch, cigars, and cheese.

His real life heroes are Nelson Mandela and Ron Santo. His fictional heroes are Leo McGarry [editor's note: dur] and Atticus Finch. He believes that greater global security is the surest path to lasting American security. And while he believes Midwesterners are the hardest working people in show business the nation, he is appalled by divisive talk about who among us are “real” Americans.

So please join me in offering our sympathies to Midwest, and while you’re at it, welcome him to Undip.

What’s Next on Undip

As regular readers of this blog know, the past two weeks have seen fewer posts as I’ve spent more and more time working to get Barack Obama elected President of the United States. Now that that task is done (woo hoo!), you might wonder what’s next for Undip.

Over the next few months, we’ll focus on the transition, particularly as it relates to foreign policy. Over the long term, I hope to move the main focus away from domestic politics and back toward the intersection of international politics, American foreign policy, and pop culture. That said, I anticipate that when domestic politics deserves attention, commentary, and lots of snark, we’ll be there.

I also hope to bring on several contributors that will help expand the scope of our coverage and reinforce our mission and vision. I’ll have more on that soon.

In the short run, however, I need a break to rest, recharge, and get my voice back (and in the process, reacquaint myself with my lovely wife and darling daughter). So over the next two weeks, I’ll be stepping back a bit while Molly, Greta and I head to Florida. That’s not to say that I won’t post at all, only that I won’t post very much.

The good news is that a good friend and regular commenter not only will be stepping into the breach over the next two weeks, but also will become a permanent contributor over the long run. I’ll have more on that soon.

And as always, thanks for your passionate interest in and support for Undip.

Analysis of the Day

The Onion is on the case:

After emerging victorious from one of the most pivotal elections in history, president-elect Barack Obama will assume the role of commander in chief on Jan. 20, shattering a racial barrier the United States is, at long last, shitty enough to overcome. . . .

Carrying a majority of the popular vote, Obama did especially well among women and young voters, who polls showed were particularly sensitive to the current climate of everything being fucked. Another contributing factor to Obama’s victory, political experts said, may have been the growing number of Americans who, faced with the complete collapse of their country, were at last able to abandon their preconceptions and cast their vote for a progressive African-American.

Citizens with eyes, ears, and the ability to wake up and realize what truly matters in the end are also believed to have played a crucial role in Tuesday’s election.

According to a CNN exit poll, 42 percent of voters said that the nation’s financial woes had finally become frightening enough to eclipse such concerns as gay marriage, while 30 percent said that the relentless body count in Iraq was at last harrowing enough to outweigh long ideological debates over abortion. In addition, 28 percent of voters were reportedly too busy paying off medial bills, desperately trying not to lose their homes, or watching their futures disappear to dismiss Obama any longer.

I’m too happy right now to admit the underlying truth that makes this so funny.

Night of the Living Dead Candidates

It looks like Ralph Nader has hired Mike Gravel as his media consultant:

Rob Zombie meets George Romero? Didn’t Rob Zombie already remake George Romero?

Oh, and has Mike Gravel endorsed anyone? Please, please, please tell me it’s not Obama.

Morning Buzz: Battleground Minnesota

My all-time favorite documentary on politics: hip hop activist Shakademic reports on the 2004 election in Minnesota. Be sure to watch all the way through — he gets Norm Coleman to wear some blinged-out jewelry and teaches Walter Mondale how to scratch.

Really.

Huckabee Did It Better

One jokey Chuck Norris political commercial is hilarious.

Two jokey Chuck Norris political commercials is just painfully overdone.

You gotta give the NRA credit. They just locked up the 14-year-old World-of-Warcraft-playing Barrens chat trolls for John McCain.

Morning Buzz: Chinese Democracy

First shock: Axl Rose finally got around to releasing “Chinese Democracy,” the new Guns-n-Roses album. For those unaware of the saga, just know that it took something like twenty years and evry other member of the band quit in frustration over a decage ago — it was, until now, the most famous failed rock album since the Beach Boys’ “Pet Sounds.”

Second shock: “Chinese Democracy,” the first single, is surprisingly not-half-bad. Trust me — I hated GN’R. This is tantamount to me saying I spend my evenings listening to “Tammy Faye Baker Sings PTL Club Favorites.”

Granted, the guitar solo on the bridge is so old-school awful that it sounds like the dude-that-replaced-Slash is consciously channeling David St. Hubbins, but other than that, there’s not much to complain about. For me it sounded more like Blue Oyster Cült’s “Godzilla” or The Move’s “Brontosaurus” than “Welcome to the Jungle” or any other GN’R late 80s metal cliché.

Third shock: Axl doesn’t scream. Not once. Well, sorta at the beginning, but it’s not part of the lyrics.

Fourth shock: the song is about. . .wait for it. . .the future of democracy in China. That’s right — Axl Rose is really, really pissed at the ChiComs.

Really.

Granted, the lyrics aren’t that sophisticated. Okay, they’re lame. He rhymes Falun Gong with, uh, now.

CHINESE DEMOCRACY
It don’t really matter
You’ll find out for yourself
No, it don’t really matter
I’m gonna leave this thing to somebody else

If they were missionaries
Real time visionaries
Sitting in a chinese stew
To view my disinfatuation

I know that I’m a classic case
Watch my disenchanted face
Blame it on the Falun Gong
They see the hand and you can’t hold on now

Cause it would take a lot more hate than you
To stop the fascination
Even with an iron fist
All they’ve got to rule the nation
But all I got is precious time

It don’t really matter
Guess I’ll keep it to myself
No, it don’t really matter
I guess you’ll leave this thing to somebody else

Cause it would take a lot more time than you
Have got for masturbation
Even with your iron fist
All they’ve got to rule the nation
But all I got is precious time
All they’ve got to rule the nation
But all I got is precious time

It don’t really matter
I guess you’ll find out for yourself
No, it don’t really matter
So you can hear it now from somebody else

You think you’ve got it all locked up inside
And if you beat ‘em enough they’ll die
It’s like a walk in a park from a cell
And now you’re keeping your own kind in hell
And if you’re Great Wall rocks blame your self
While they all reach out for you hand/help?
And we’re out of time…

But hey — who’da thunk Axl Rose could be political? Now we know why he wasn’t invited to perform during the Olympics Opening Ceremony.

But dude — masturbation with an iron fist? Ouch. And ewwww.

Odious. Hateful. Sick.

This is un-freaking-un-FREAKING-believable. And sick. And hateful.

You know what makes it even worse? It’s sung to the freaking Barney song:

I love you,
You love me,
We’re a happy family,
with a great big hug,
and a kiss from me to you,
Won’t you say you love me TOO!

I love you,
You love me,
We’re best friends like friends should be,
With a great big hug,
And a kiss from me to you,
Won’t you say you love me too!

I’m not the biggest Barney fan, but give the big guy credit — this is deliberately ambiguous in order to be as inclusive as possible.

Oh. Wait. Barney is Purple. Just like Tinky-Winky. You know that that means, don’t you? Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. Mr. Rogers? He wore a cardigan. And Captain Kangaroo spent all his time with Mr. Green Jeans, who secretly had a red bandanna hanging out of his back pocket. Bert and Ernie? You betcha. Big Bird? Don’t even get me started. Oscar the Grouch? A welfare queen, if you get my drift.

I don’t ever again want to hear Christian fundamentalists tell me that they are concerned for the welfare of their children. This is nothing less than cynical exploitation.

They should be utterly ashamed of themselves.

Stop the hate — vote no on Proposition 8. Help Equality California by voting here.

Hat tip: Open Left

Going to Camp

When Sarah “Whackjob” Palin was asked about reported divisions between John McCain and her, here’s what she had to say:

John McCain and I, and our camps, are working together to get John McCain elected.

And our camps? Aren’t you all in the same camp? I don’t think that even Joe “the Gaffer” Biden would be dumb enough to suggest that he and Obama were in different camps.

I used to work in a camp. It was fun. Maybe they can hire the Sarahnator to teach BB guns to 6th graders after her sad pathetic excuse of a campaign is over.

Morning Buzz: The Vet Who Didn’t Vet

Another fun independently-produced video:

It’s a cross between Schoolhouse Rock and JibJab.

Jail Bars Are a Series of Massive, Massive Tubes. . .

. . .albeit solid ones:

Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska was found guilty on Monday of violating ethics laws for failing to report gifts and services that he was given by friends. A federal jury of eight women and four men from the District of Columbia found that the 84-year-old Republican, who has represented Alaska in the Senate for more than 40 years, knowingly failed to list on Senate disclosure forms the receipt of several gifts and tens of thousands of dollars worth of remodeling work on his home in Girdwood, Alaska.The verdict came after more than three weeks of testimony, the highlight of which was Mr. Stevens making the calculated risk of taking the witness stand in his own defense.

It will be interesting to see if he ends his reelection campaign. Somehow I doubt it.

Here are a couple of videos to celebrate commemorate mark his conviction. The first is the techno remix of Stevens’s infamous speech on the floor of the Senate claiming that the Internet is made of tubes:

Second, this seems only appropriate given the circumstances:

Enjoy your last few months of freedom, Senator. Maybe you can spend them in your vibrating chair.

Department of Unintentional Irony

From Newsweek, via Chuck Todd:

Palin said she was getting a bum rap. “If people knew how frugal we are,” she said. She told Fox News that her “favorite” store is an Anchorage consignment shop called Out of the Closet.

So apparently it’s okay to shop in a store that uses gay humor (and which, given the name, may have a gay owner), as long as the gays go back in the closet once you leave.

What a clueless hypocrite.

Help make sure that Sarah Palin doesn’t get her way. Support efforts to defeat Proposition 8 in California. You can donate here. If you live in California, please volunteer to help get out the vote on election day — Equality California, which is coordinating the No on 8 campaign, estimates it needs 10,000 people on the ground to win.

Best. Campaign. Commercial. Ever.

If you haven’t seen it yet, a hilarious play off the old Budweiser “whazzup” commercial.

Best part: Cindy McCain’s fortune comes from an Anheuser-Busch dealership.

Morning Buzz: They’ll Need a Crane

In honor of the reported infighting between McCainiacs and Palinistas, one of my favorite They Might Be Giants songs:

They’ll need a crane, they’ll need a crane
To take the house he built for her apart
To make it break it’s gonna take a metal ball hung from a chain
They’ll need a crane, they’ll need a crane
To pick the broken ruins up again
To mend her heart, to help him start to see a world apart from pain

We Are Voting Dance

If you haven’t checked it out yet, Chris Connelly and the crew at We Are Voting Yes always have interesting things to say about politics, music, technology and other stuff. We first discovered each other when we both posted on Sarah Palin’s inability to remember Exxon v. Baker when Katie Couric asked her about Supreme Court cases other than Roe v. Wade.

Chris is a fellow DCendant, and we’ve struck up an email friendship. Today, he turned me on to his band, Soft Complex. I really like them — lots of early 80s influences, from The Smiths to Depeche Mode, with a dash of trip hop thrown in. You can check out their mySpace page here and buy their new EP there or on iTunes.

Hollywood McCain

The Landline wonders what John McCain’s ads would have looked like had certain Hollywood directors filmed them.

Hat tip: Andrew Sullivan

Small Town Values

Back when I was in graduate school, I managed Wooden Nickel Records in Bloomington, Indiana. It was a great job — I got to listen to a lot of new music for free, meet some pretty cool musicians, and make some pocket money, which largely went back to the store to buy CDs.

One of our most regular customers was John Mellencamp. For those not familiar with his music, the best way I can describe him is the corn belt Springsteen. He’s worshipped there, particularly in Indiana and among farmers (largely as a result of his championship of FarmAid). I like his music a lot, perhaps in part because of my past acquaintance. If you haven’t listened to any of his stuff, I recommend in particular Scarecrow and Lonesome Jubilee.

Mellencamp was a very nice guy, and always would buy a ton of records (everything from Jimmy Rodgers to Lou Reed). Near the end of my brief tenure there, Mellencamp arranged to give copies of the official platinum record award (for Lonesome Jubilee) to both the store owner and me. It’s one of the old-fashioned ones, featuring an LP and cassette instead of a CD, as well as a certification from the Recording Industry Association of America that it was the real thing.

I bring this up now because today, the Obama campaign released a new radio ad in Indiana:

Mellencamp for Obama

I still have my platinum album, but Wooden Nickel is long gone, a victim to the big stores like Tower that took over the music industry only to lose out to iTunes and other online services. That’s too bad, because it was a lot easier to discover new music from the guy behind the counter than it is on LastFM.

Kudos to Mellencamp for the radio spot, even if the small town values he celebrates have lost out to the box stores and online retailers of the modern age.

Quote of the Day

From an email from a friend in Australia:

This morning on TV I saw a black future president of the USA dancing with a gay woman. Something GOOD is happening in this word!!

This election really is about a better future. So go make it happen: support Obama, volunteer in a battleground state, and give money to help defeat Prop 8 in California.

Quote of the Day

Marc Ambinder:

If Palin’s wardrobe were a family of four, they’d get a kick-butt tax cut from the Obama campaign….

Ambinder also points out that $150,000 is the equivalent of one week of television time in Colorado.

Nightly Election (Expensive) Thread(s)

I guess this is what happens when you go shopping with Cindy:

The Republican National Committee appears to have spent more than $150,000 to clothe and accessorize vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and her family since her surprise pick by John McCain in late August. According to financial disclosure records, the accessorizing began in early September and included bills from Saks Fifth Avenue in St. Louis and New York for a combined $49,425.74.

The records also document a couple of big-time shopping trips to Neiman Marcus in Minneapolis, including one $75,062.63 spree in early September. The RNC also spent $4,716.49 on hair and makeup through September after reporting no such costs in August.

Politico asked the McCain campaign for comment, explicitly noting the $150,000 in expenses for department store shopping and makeup consultation that were incurred immediately after Palin’s announcement. Pre-September reports do not include similar costs.

Spokeswoman Maria Comella declined to answer specific questions about the expenditures, including whether it was necessary to spend that much and whether it amounted to one early investment in Palin or if shopping for the vice presidential nominee was ongoing. “The campaign does not comment on strategic decisions regarding how financial resources available to the campaign are spent,” she said.

So I guess she can see Saks from her house. And it’s good to know that Neiman’s is part of “real America.”

Ohhh boy. Anytime your spokesperson defends Ferragamo pumps as a “strategic decision,” you know a campaign is in trouble.

This kind of shoots to hell the whole moose-hunting small-town girl image, doesn’t it? She just went from Joe Sixpack and Joe the Plumber to Thurston and Lovey Howell. And it makes her look about as out of touch as the Howells were on that island.

So when the campaign is over does the Sarahnator get to keep this stuff? And if not, doesn’t she have to report it as gifts? Come to think of it, doesn’t she have to report it as gifts now? Or does Alaska not have the ethics laws that everyone else has?

I bought a wedding present at Neiman Marcus once. It cost three million dollars. Okay, maybe three hundred. For a serving dish. In 1990.

Talk amongst yourselves.

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