09:45 am
Diplospeak Translator: Partying Like It’s 2011
In the middle of the DNC frenzy, let’s not lose sight of the fact that there’s an end in sight in Iraq:
Iraqi Prime Minister Prime Nuri al-Maliki said on Monday that an agreement had been reached in negotiations on a security pact with the United States to end any foreign military presence in Iraq by the end of 2011. “There is an agreement actually reached, reached between the two parties on a fixed date which is the end of 2011 to end any foreign presence on Iraqi soil,” Maliki said in a speech to tribal leaders in the Baghdad’s heavily fortified Green Zone.
“Yes, there is major progress on the issue of the negotiations on the security deal,” Maliki said. The Iraqi government has said it is proposing U.S. troops end patrols of Iraqi towns and villages by the middle of next year and U.S. combat troops leave Iraq by 2011.
Now here’s McCain’s comment on the deadline. Time for the Diplospeak Translator!
McCAIN: I am pleased that, following the surge strategy led by General David Petraeus and our brave men and women in uniform, security in Iraq has improved to the point at which we can responsibly talk with our Iraqi allies about U.S. troop withdrawals.
DIPLOSPEAK TRANSLATOR: I can’t believe that Bush is screwing me so badly. I saved his ass on Iraq and now he’s exposing mine.
McCAIN: Because of the hard-won success of this strategy, the Iraqi security forces are able to take on ever greater responsibility for security in their country. We should not forget that this is possible only because of the surge — a strategy many predicted would fail and that some cannot, even today, recognize as a stunning success.
DIPLOSPEAK TRANSLATOR: This is my success! Mine, damnit! Mine! My preciousssss!
McCAIN: While negotiations with the Iraqi government are ongoing, reports indicate that all dates included in the draft security agreement are aspirational goals, based on conditions on the ground.
DIPLOSPEAK TRANSLATOR: Fixed date, what fixed date? I’m not listening! LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA.
McCAIN: Conditions-based withdrawals of U.S. troops are the precise opposite course of that advocated by Senator Obama. Senator Obama seeks to withdraw all U.S. combat forces regardless of the consequences for Iraq or for American national security, and in disregard of our commanders’ best counsel.
DIPLOSPEAK TRANSLATOR: Just because he’s right now doesn’t mean that he was always right. I, on the other hand, was right when it counted, even if I’m wrong now. Um, what I mean is that he’s a candidate who’s willing to lose a war in order to win an election, even though we’re now winning the war and the leaders of Iraq support his timetable, I mean time horizon. Uh, um, wait a second. I know! He’s a celebrity, damnit! Paris Hilton Paris Hilton Britney Britney Britney MADONNA!
McCAIN: Had we followed his course, Iraq could have easily descended into chaos and America would have suffered a catastrophic defeat. Instead, we are today negotiating a conditions-based agreement that will enable us to withdraw troops in victory and with honor.
DIPLOSPEAK TRANSLATOR: Have I mentioned that I spent five years as a POW? Well I was. And that means I’m right.
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