02:45 pm
Believe the Government. Even If You’re About to Die.
It turns out that the ChiComs are so worried about terrorism that they have created an online guide for its citizens on how to detect terrorist suspects. The BBC has translated part of it.
How to detect terrorist suspects
Terrorist suspects won’t put a sticker on their faces to say they are terrorists. However they will have some abnormal behaviour that can make us alert, such as:
• Those who look panicked and strange in their words and behavior
• Those who dress in clothes that don’t fit their identity or the weather
• Those who pretend to be close friends, and flatter
• Those who refuse to do security checks, and sound arrogant
• Those who frequently appear at big event venues
• Those who frequently appear around security areas
• Those who look like wanted suspects
Sorry to sound cynical here, but panicked, odd-looking, painfully friendly, security-hating, and arrogant pretty much describes every American tourist attending the Olympics. Grab him! He’s wearing a flower-print Hawaiian shirt!!
What should you do after being kidnapped by terrorists?
• Keep calm. Don’t resist. Believe the government.
• Don’t make eye contact with or speak to the terrorists. Bend your body down to the ground slowly
• Try to keep and hide your telecommunication device. Put your mobile phone into silent mode at the appropriate moment and send messages to police or call 110. If you send a text message, the content should include your location, the number of hostages, and the number of terrorists.
• Pay attention to the number of terrorists and remember who their leader is for subsequent investigations.
• At the moment of the police action, try your best to bend down and leave under the police protection.
I’m hoping that point one is a mistranslation: “Believe that the government is going to help you” would be a sensible thing to say. But “Believe the government,” well, right after getting kidnapped is not exactly the moment that someone is going to be thinking about that, is it?
Regarding the request that citizens play hide the cell phone, it certainly is good advice, except for two small things: 1) that’s the kind of thing that, if found out, tends to get you killed; and 2) if the terrorists aren’t idiots, one of the first things they’re going to do is take away everyone’s mobile device.
One final comment here: aren’t the vast, vast majority of terrorist incidents suicide bombings? I know the Chinese want to be prepared for all contingencies here, but I think their priorities may be a little out of whack.
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